37 Weeks

Last week was pretty rough on my emotions. I spent many days just wanting to cry my eyes out. Hormones man, they sure are crazy. I spent a couple of days in a pretty terrible funk. I like to think I have defeated it now though. I feel really calm, sort of at peace. I find this incredibly surprising though because we got some pretty crappy news this week.
Starting next week, my husband will be overnight in the field for two week- aka during week 38 and 39 of my pregnancy. He will have his truck to leave the moment I make contact with him to say "it's time," but you can imaging how I feel about it all. The idea of going into labor all alone, having to find someone to take me to the hospital if I am unable to drive myself (which is most likely), and the possibility that I could give birth alone. I mean it feels so unfair to think that I might actually be alone through it all when my husband isn't even deployed, when he's less than 10 miles from me! Hopefully nothing crazy happens, he's easy to get a hold of and doesn't run into any issues dropping everything and leaving immediately. Then to add onto this, he also told me that after those two weeks he'd be back for a week and then in the field again for another 2 weeks. I mean the first month with a newborn is supposed to be the hardest anyway, but tackling the first month without him puts it on a whole new level, especially for a first time mom. He'll get 10 days to be home with us after baby is born but then it's bye bye daddy! Well...... THEN there's the fact he'll be doing a double rotation at JRTC in the fall. A full 35 days and missing both our birthdays. My risk for PPD is already incredibly high with my family history, but i'm honestly terrified I'm going to get a horrible case of it even with my placenta encapsulation. I have some fabulous friends I can gather support from, but not really anyone that I can trust to respect my boundaries and wishes to help me within my home (atleast that don't already have babies to take care of). Maybe the feeling I'm experiencing is numb rather than "calm" or "at peace."
Gosh that sounds depressing...

During the last week I did some of my own little lifestyle maternity photos. It was not nearly as easy as I had hoped it would be haha But I think I got some cute ones to hold on to.

I also spend some time with one of my sorority sisters this week! I never really do things like getting my nails done, but this preggo got a well deserved pedicure! My toes are now all pretty and ready for the delivery room. I really wish that massage chair could have gone home with me though.

On Saturday I spent a few hours in my sewing/craft room finally making burp clothes for my own little boy! I also made some peepee tepees. I have to say they look a little odd. We shall see if they actually work, but I only made 3 just in case they don't.

Yesterday, we met up with some friends and I handed over my camera to have some couples maternity pictures taken. I underestimated how hard it would be to pose my husband and myself without being the one looking through the viewfinder! It seems as though atleast half of the light settings I did worked out. I will get a blog post up when I finish editing them!

Tonight is our birthing class. I'm hoping that it doesn't terrify me. I have a list of questions I hope they answer during the class, if not I will make sure they do get answered. I just really want to be able to handle the pain. Being that this is my first child, I have no idea what to expect. I'm oddly okay with an epidural, but I don't want ANY narcotic IV pain meds near me. I don't want to be miserable in pain but I also don't want to be miserable dizzy, puking, not-all-there from meds. I wish I could believe that I could tough it out and go all natural, but I just don't see my terrrrrrible luck working out that way. I mean, I feel like its almost better to go in with low expectations so I don't get my hopes and dreams crushed. No matter what- what is going to happen, will happen and at the end of the day I get the best gift in the entire world!
Anyway, I'm still craving breakfast foods like crazy. Yesterdays lunch was breakfast food, tonight's dinner will be too lol It's just so yummy!