Motherhood

moth·er·hood 
[muhth -er-hoo d] 
noun

Some say its all rainbows and butterflies, and for some it is.
For me, It's one of the hardest things I've ever done.


It has taught me so much about myself and everyone in my life. It means that I have to stand up for myself but also be open and willing to learning, daily.
Motherhood is one big learning adventure. Some days I still hate it. I'm not going to lie about the darkness that is there. But most of the time its amazing and rewarding.
I watch Eli learn something new almost every day. I see his eyes light up and arms reach out to me. I see the little wheels spinning in his head as he examines his toys or something he happened to find on the floor. I see his determination to do new things or when he tries to reach the cat. Babies are so neat.

In the almost 8 months since I had Eli, it's been rough. I found out I have borderline personality disorder and am now medicated. Some days it's still REALLY tough to keep my emotions in check. I have finally found my tribe, though. They understand the perils and triumphs of motherhood and some days I would lose my sanity without them. I've found myself immersed deeply in the things I am most passionate about, and some of those passions developed after having Eli. I'm doing photography and sewing as often as possible. I spend lots of time sharing what I've learned about breastfeeding and natural parenting decisions.
But I'm still at the beginning of this journey. Eli is under a year old!

As a mother you have to go with your gut, do your research and decide what is best for your family. There is so much information out there it's REALLY hard to make decisions sometimes. I still struggle, a lot. But you have to believe in yourself. You have to remember that you were made for this. It won't always be easy and it won't always be hard. You're going to laugh until you cry some days, and others you're going to just bawl your eyes out because you don't know what else to do. You can't be afraid to seek help or ask questions, either. Yet again, I still struggle with this.

I can tell you one thing- you will love that baby like you've never loved anything before.